“The critical transition period which has been missed is Matrescence.  The time of mother-becoming... Giving birth does not automatically make a mother out of a woman... The amount of time it takes to become a mother needs study” 

Dana Raphael, Matrescence, becoming a mother, a new/old rite de passage (1975). 

Matrescence

Matrescence describes a forgotten - but universally experienced developmental passage of ‘mother becoming’. The word matrescence was first coined by Anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970’s, but it would be many more years before the word found its way into public awareness, due to the research and revival of the word by Dr Aurelie Athan, a clinical psychologist, teacher and researcher at Columbia University in New York, and the world leading expert on matrescence.

Dr Athan has the following working definition for Matrescence;

 "Matrescence is a developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. The exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime! The scope of the changes encompass multiple domains --bio-psycho-social-political-spiritual-- and can be likened to the developmental push of adolescence".

- Dr Aurelie Athan 

 For many women - myself included,  hearing the word matrescence gives language to a feeling, experience and knowing that women have always had - motherhood changes you, in profound, complex and hard to explain ways.  

To the detriment and wellbeing of mothers and society, for along time these profound changes have gone largely unacknowledged in the broader conversation about motherhood and parenting. For the most part, the experience of motherhood from a woman's perspective - how she is changed, transformed and reborn through becoming a mother - is not spoken about. The focus remains solely on the child's experience, wellbeing or growth and how we can best support it through parenting. 

Without having the complex changes women undergo through motherhood acknowledged, many mothers feel lost, embarrassed and unsure of themselves. Unaware that they themselves are undergoing a transformation, these changes are often perceived in a purely negative light.  An unwanted symptom of motherhood.  “Why am I not the same as who I was before? Who am I now? Why didn’t anyone tell me I would change too”.

Through the lens of matrescence, we can understand that these changes are a normative developmental process that accompanies motherhood. They are a growth process. They are matrescence in motion. 

Through this acknowledgement that ‘mother becoming’ is a developmental passage, matrescence gives rise to women being able to explore their own transition into motherhood and acknowledge both the light, and dark sides of mothering. 

The social norm we are fed is that a women’s experience of motherhood is broken into two options - either you’re doing well, or you have postpartum depression. There is little room to explore what happens between those two ends of the spectrum. Matrescence allows us to acknowledge that experiencing some challenges and ambivalence is not necessarily a sign of disease, that it can in fact be a normative part of development.

Through matrescence we can acknowledge that mother becoming is a process, and we won’t get it right or enjoy every aspect, all the time. This means mothers can gives themselves grace to learn the act of mothering, and acknowledge that motherhood is not good or bad - it is both good and bad. It’s challenging and rewarding. Difficult and joyful. 

This long forgotten transition, is now thankfully gaining huge momentum in the broader conversation about motherhood. Thanks to the dedicated research of many, there is now a growing body of research that quantifies and finally acknowledges the transformation women experience when they become mothers - from matrescence, to brain changes in pregnancy, postnatal depletion and economic pressures and changes to relationships and cultural standing.    

Through my work, I explore motherhood as a catalyst for personal transformation and help women lean into their experience.